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The First Day....

Today was Joshua's first day of Kindergarten. He was so excited. Last night he laid out his clothes perfectly on the couch so that they would be ready when he first woke up. (I can remember doing the same thing each year for the first day of school.)

This morning, I made him a special breakfast. Heart pancakes (I told him that I made them because he is going to Sacred Heart School, but it's also because I love him so much!!! )

Here he is with his really awesome principal, Mr. Brock Carpenter!

And here he is in his classroom.

It was a great day for him, but a bit difficult for his mother.

Last night, after the kids where in bed, I sobbed as I was doing the dishes. My little baby is starting school tomorrow.... I could hardly sleep. And then, when dropping him off this morning..... well let's just say, I was glad my sunglasses kept him from seeing the tears in my eyes.

As I was reflecting on my emotions throughout the day, I found myself starting to laugh every time I started to cry. It's funny. As a mother, part of you is thinking "how ridiculous it is to get weepy just because your child is starting kindergarten", but hidden deeper below, are the realities of feelings that are just so powerful it's almost impossible not to get emotional.

As I saw my little 5 year old boy wave goodbye to Johnny and I this morning all I could think about is the reality of how fast the time goes by. I know that in a blink of an eye, my little 3 1/2 foot son will someday be a 6' 1" freshman in college and we will be saying goodbye to him in his dorm room. Except then he will be looking down at me with those same intense brown eyes, and his deep voice saying to us, "Mom and Dad, thanks for everything.....I love you.... mom, please stop do this to me every year... I am going to be okay.....Goodbye."

Then Johnny will have to pry me away from my baby with every ounce of strength that he has. (this is why we are already starting to pray that he chooses to go to BSU :)

I've heard a good friend say before, "Having children is like having your heart live outside of your body." And on a sadder note, she has also said, "When your children begins to walk, they start walking away." This is the reality of being a parent. You bring them in to this world, love them with a love that you never knew you were capable of, and then watch them grow up into their own person. I just don't know why this is so difficult.

So today, I asked God, "Why does today in all of it's joy cause my heart to hurt so? He responded, "It's because you love so." Then I followed up, "I don't think I can take this every year with every child, will it get easier?" He responded, "Well that is why I've given you and Johnny only one child each year, this way you can gradually ease into it." "Okay, Thanks God."

Johnny didn't seem to get too emotional today, although he was incredibly proud of Joshua and he did admit to me that just the thought of sending Gianna off to Kindergarten is a bit tough for him to handle. Being a parent is just so funny sometimes.

Well today, I experienced one more first. Matthew smiled (really smiled) at me three times today. It was as though he was saying, "Since Joshua is at school and you're kind of sad, I am here to remind you that I am your little baby too, and I won't be going to school for a while, so you can just hold me and love me all you want and I'm okay with that."

"Thank-you Matthew. You have a beautiful smile little one. And you can just take your time growing up."

Well it is now the end of a gloriously traumatic day for me. I am going to bed with the peace of mind that Joshua is sleeping in his bunk bed in his superman pajamas just a few feet away from our bedroom and that we will have 13 years of him being that close. My prayer tonight will be a simple one. "God, I know that these years ahead will go fast and they will be filled with so many blessings, lessons, and incredible memories. Please help us to enjoy and savor all the precious moments and to be thankful for each day that we have to spend with our children."

"Oh, and please help me get some sleep tonight!!!"
1 comment on "The First Day...."
  1. Aghh Lorissa! I have to remind myself not to read your blog when I am at work-- or atleast I need to bring my mascara with me to reapply after I do read it! This is SOO sweet and it's seriously making me cry cry cry. You are such an amazing mother and all of those children are SO lucky to have you. Love you :)